I Feel Empty

I’ve been feeling really low lately. It’s almost like it’s just hit me that I can’t walk, that sounds ridiculous, bit of a delayed reaction but it sucks, it really does. I try not to be all woe is me but sometimes it just gets to me and it’s no ones fault it’s really not and I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself, but sometimes I just feel so helpless, I feel I get in the way, make everything so difficult,

My issue is I focus on every time people have not wanted to do something with just me and I start telling myself that I’m not worth the effort. When I’m in a group of people I do not feel like that at all, my friends are absolute goals. However, when people don’t want to do things with me but are more than happy to do it with others, I tell myself it’s me. But it’s not! It’s really just in my head, it’s ridiculous. I always go out one on one with people and just because they ask someone else to hike a mountain with them doesn’t mean they hate me.

It’s really not anyone’s job to fix me.

At the moment, I’m feeling like it is one thing after the other, I  keep getting stuck. I just want to go away without someone saying no. a European city. I am a dreamer and I just want to live in my head. Go on an adventure. I am unpractical a lot of the time and don’t know how to deal with situations. this life doesn’t fit me anymore I need something new in my life. Options. Last time I felt like this, I went to Australia for four months. I don’t necessarily need to go so far, but a nice break is definitely worth it.

I want to show some recognition to my friends. Everyone talks about how supportive their s/o is, how their mum is their rock and you know what my boyfriend is amazing there is no doubting that, my family are too but my friends are some of the greatest people you could ever meet.  I’m genuinely so proud of my little squad, they are the best. It’s the little things they do that make me love them. Like offering countless lifts without even batting an eyelid or making me feel like I am in the way. Checking the disabled access without having to check with me. Just little things like that are actually really heart-warming.


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