I really want to leave long blog posts but half of the time I just feel like I’m babbaling, like now for example. This post will just be me, pointlessly moaning, bringing no joy to any ones life ….. but if my rambling helps at least one person then my work here is done.
I don’t like going out. Like out out, I like going outside but going to a club is not something I enjoy. That makes me sound like such a granny, “It’s too loud in here”, but seriously I wouldn’t rush to go on a night out ….
I always convince myself it’s the wheelchair. I used to go on nights out when I was like 17/18 haven’t been out since then, but most of the decent clubs were downstairs and wheelchairs do not go downstairs. Then what if I wanted to go to the bathroom, they wont have a disabled loo, what am I going to do. Then part of me thinks that is just an excuse really, quite a few clubs are ground level as it where so I could just roll in, but then there is the train, that you have to pre plan your trip (no spontaneous nights out for me), a taxi home, which has to be big enough to get my chair in, which sounds really easy and tbf it probably would be, but I’d just rather not. Happy enough going to the pub, out for drinks, house parties, BBQ’s but ‘out out’ freaks me. Idk why. Maybe it’s just outside my comfort zone and I need to push myself. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what to expect so I’m being a little chicken and avoiding anything to do with the phrase ‘night out’. But that’s not entirely true either, I mean I’ve been out before granted not for like 5 years and yes, not in a wheelchair before but I do know what clubs are like, I have experienced tottering around Birmingham in a teeny tiny mini dress wearing my lovely unblended eye makeup and thick caterpillar eyebrows being so stressed out because I am really not a people person and the sweaty drunken mess’ get so close to you making me even more annoyed. PERSONAL SPACE. I am full of alcohol, most likely cold, angry and I just want to go home but I can’t go home because I am 18 and this is what 18 year olds should enjoy …. so since then I’ve never emmeresed myself into the clubbing lifestyle. Also the height difference between me and my fellow club peers might be slightly awkward. Again, that is just me making an excuse, coming up with reasons and trying to justify to myself and anyone that really cares, which I doubt is actually that many because lets be honest, in the grand scheme of things, me not wanting to go ‘out out’ is not really a top priority.
I also like to nap. Which is not a bad thing tbf, I like alcohol, food and sleep but dancing in a dark sweaty room having nowhere that resembles a bed is not my cup of tea. Puppies, Netflix and ASOS. Throw in some pasta and I’m one happy bunny.
Basically what I am saying is, you can find a club that is 100% accessible, be able to hop on a train as and when I pleased, made everything super super easy and I would still come up with an excuse to not go. Because the reality is I just don’t like it. I don’t like clubs, have I said that enough?
I do kinda feel embarrassed that all I want to do with my weekend is go out for brunch, put on loads of makeup, day drink then go to bed with pizza but you shouldn’t be afraid to be you. Classic self confidence boost right there. But it’s a good one and true. You do you.