Rant

I had a big wobbly yesterday and it was such a nice weekend too, just why am I like this? Basically I got in touch with a photographer who I went to school with, her name is Laura Richards and she is a really talented portrait/wedding photographer. I asked her if she would take some pictures, of me in the wheelchair literally for the blog. I mention it quite a bit and find it difficult to describe what I mean, I need a visual representation. I wanted nice, stereotypical candid but obviously posed pictures, and it got me thinking. A while ago I got a comment off a woman and to this day I still hold a grudge. Because I am petty and that’s just who I am. Anyway, she messaged me on facebook, she had seen the article about the Carbon Black Chair. She said “I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you in a wheelchair?” that was her opening statement. I then replied with an ever friendly “yes” her response was then “so why don’t you show yourself” ….. woah woah woah. No. Just because you can’t see the wheels of the wheelchair in most of my pictures doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of who I am. Nearly all of my pictures are sat down, yes 98% of them are inside because I spend 98% of my time in my house and I don’t use a wheelchair in my house. Also you feel like less of a tit posing in front of a camera on your own rather than in public. I can also point out many pictures of me in my wheelchair, the main difference is, is that it doesn’t have set handles so it is difficult to see unless you look closely it may seem as thought I am sat in a conventional chair. However, if you know me, you would know I’m not. I’m not hiding who I am, I’m not embarrassed, ashamed just a picture displaying the wheels has never arisen, I’m sure it will at some point and that’s  absolutely fine but I’m not about to take a picture from an ugly angle to make some random woman feel like I accept myself. I used to feel a bit funny about it, a little self conscious, mainly because I didn’t like my body, still struggle with it, but the more I work on my self confidence, the easier taking full body shots will be. So nice professional ones would be a good ego boost. That was my rant for the day, don’t tell me I am ashamed, you don’t know me haha. Honestly though, I just feel like I can’t walk and that’s not going away on it’s own but if I want to show off my Hair or my makeup then why do I need to be in the wheelchair for that. If I’m not in the wheelchair the moment I take a picture I’m not going to go and sit in it for the sake of social media because that’s not showing the truth either. When I take a selfie that is showing me, it’s my face, yes covered in makeup and highly filtered, but it’s me.

Christ, I moan so much. The weekend was so lovely and all I can focus on is ranting about taking pictures of my wheelchair, Jesus.

Now, it was really hot all weekend. I tried orange makeup on Saturday, didn’t like it but you know, still tried it. It went a bit dark, personally orange doesn’t really suit me, it’s not my colour. Basically, it’s no pink. Pink is just my colour. ooo and I’m getting my hair done tomorrow. Very excited for that and I’m not going to apologize because I have no shame.

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