It’s been Easter this weekend and I’ve eaten a ridiculous amount of chocolate which probably isn’t the best it was also my nan’s birthday so cake ….. I like cake.

I also had a little bit of a panic, I thought to myself that I can’t sit here and pretend that the only reason I don’t eat doughnuts for breakfast everyday is because I’m so into health when in reality the only reason is so I don’t gain weight. And yes I prefer the way I look when I’m thinner but is this pressure from society rather than self love? But while this thought was going through my head I started to exercise to stop my knees hurting and yes the way I look is a pro but with my condition the stronger I am the better. The awful truth is, I don’t really care about health, that’s really really bad, health is important. So I need to actively be less of a slob. Eat French toast, but throw in some fruit too. Drink some hot bean water over copious caramel lattes. Still have a caramel latte every now and then…. love a good caramel latte.

It kinda put my mind at rest that I wasn’t being stupidly superficial. Even though I am, a little.

When someone so close to you comments on your weight in a negative way is horrible. When they put you down, by making you the punchline is almost heart breaking and knowing you can’t talk about it because you get told that you’re being too sensitive and that’s not what they meant, making you feel like your feelings are stupid. So when someone so close comments on your weight in a positive way, appreciates every lump and bump, lifts you up helps your confidence. When they know the mental hatred you’ve had and still have towards your body and remind you of your beauty and worth, those are the people you need to surround yourself with. At the end of the day haters are gonna hate ….. in all seriousness though, the negative, spiteful, “I’m only joking” comments derive from people’s insecurities and really their opinions should mean nothing to you. Ngl the comments will hurt, they will, I just have to learn not to dwell.

The thing is I am one of those “be who you want to be, do what you want to do” people, which is sparking the idea for a tattoo. Wanted it on my ribs by my heart but I am a chicken and tattoos hurt there. So probably just get it on my arm.


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