I put way to much thought into my blog posts. I try to be inspirational but I’m not I waffle on and go off on tangents and talk about things that don’t really relate to what I’m saying.
I have a scar. Not just a little scar, it’s quite hefty, from my shoulder-blade to my belly button but it has never bothered me. I have never thought to myself “oh, you can’t wear that bikini because of your scar” or “that dress is too low, what about your scar”, the only reason I don’t wear a crop top is because I have eaten a few too many biscuits and well lets be honest, your stomach gets cold. My scar is oddly one of the things I am not anxious about.
I watch Hollyoaks and there is a story of a girl who hated her scar so much she started self harming and it just struck me, that some people feel so ashamed of a scar. To me, they are beautiful, scars, tattoos, birthmarks, stretchmark’s. It is a sign you have lived. They are marks to show you have survived what has hurt you, essentially what has tried to kill you. You should never be ashamed of the marks on your body, they a sign of your strength.
I get self-conscious about a lot. I feel I am not toned enough, my stomach is too soft, I have cellulite on my thighs and my bum, my calves are too thin, my arms are saggy, I have a double chin, my forehead is too big, my hair isn’t right. My eyebrows aren’t symmetrical, my teeth are wonky, I have hooded eyes. My Jawline is uneven my smile isn’t straight. I keep picking and picking at little things and its tiring. I over think everything and really no one cares if my right eyebrow is a slightly different shape to my left, eyebrows are sisters not twins. My friend said this to me when we were still in school and now I live by this. I spend a lot of time on my brows, I use Anastasia Beverly Hills to fill in my brows and I get HD brows every 3/4 weeks to shape them. Saying that I have started using Benefit Cosmetics goof proof eyebrow pencil in shade 03 Medium brown along with precisely, my brow eyebrow pencil in the same shade. And I use their Roller Lash Mascara in black. I would say my lashes are one of the things I didn’t hate but I still notice that my left lashes aren’t as full and sit in a slightly different way. For my foundation I use Born This Way by Too Faced in the shade Swan/Snow and Born This Way concealer in the shade Fairest. I have been practicing being comfortable and confident without makeup, and it’s getting better but it has a long way to go. I have cleared up my skin but I still get the odd breakout as does everyone. I have worn makeup for so long it almost became an insecurity to take it off and I didn’t like it. I am fed up of looking at myself and thinking there is something wrong. You are born the way you are and you should love the best version of yourself. Out of all the negatives you must be able to find one positive. I have a nice smile, I have nice hair and I do have nice skin, so I need to stop being so critical about myself.
Yet saying all of this I find nothing wrong with improving yourself. You shouldn’t change for the approval of others but if makeup or food or going to the gym makes you happy then you should do it. I started going to the gym about 4 months ago and I have started to see improvements, just small but it has given me the motivation to continue. I’m building my strength and stamina as pushing myself around takes it out of you. I want to build my independence again.
I doubt myself a lot and keeping it in just makes it worse. For me, talking it through helps.
Body confidence is something I’m working on.
Building confidence is like building an empire, no body notices’ the ground work but the output commands attention on its own.